The other week I had someone tell me, “Don’t think too highly of yourself”.
Now I’m not going to go into the context of the conversation but I will say that the comment didn’t get a response from me. When I first read it I was with two of my best friends (thank goodness) and I honestly laughed out loud at it. When I read it out loud to them they took it a little more serious than I did and were a little shocked, and while my friend stared at me mouth wide opened I said,
“Why shouldn’t I think too highly of myself? I’m awesome.”
The comment immediately created laughter out of my friends while completely agreeing with me because well… I am awesome. I am outgoing, friendly, always laughing, sporadically breaking out in dance throughout the day, lending a hand to someone who needs it, calling or sending a text to someone just to say hi, talking to strangers just because, always an ear to listen and most importantly always down to go get food with anyone. I am who I am and I am amazing.
A few years ago I would have never said anything close to that. I definitely wouldn’t have thought that I was a great person and I most definitely wouldn’t have said the comment that led to the rude comment I received. For many years I always second guessed myself and never thought highly of the person I was, which stemmed from me dating a guy that told me I wasn’t that great every chance he had. Then after that, talking to guys that didn’t think very highly of the person I was. So there’s the issue, how are you supposed to think highly of yourself when someone is constantly tearing you down? Why would you think that you’re great when the person you’re with doesn’t think you are and tells you that you’re never going to do better?
For years you wonder what’s wrong with you and slowly you start to lose a certain part of you. The part that knows the real person you are deep down. The part that shrinks a little every time you have someone tell you that you aren’t good enough. That keeps shrinking until it’s so small that it’s practically non-existent and you start to believe that you aren’t good enough.
While that time of my life was ages ago, it took me a long time (a lot longer than I would like to admit) to get over it. You can move hundreds of miles away from someone and years can go by and you haven’t thought about them or that time in your life until one day something happens, someone makes a foolish comment and the years you thought you forgot about come running back.
That was last week for me. While my first response made me proud of myself and how far I’ve come the past few years, the more I thought about the comment through the week the more it got to me. The majority of the time I went about my normal day; enjoyed work, grabbed dinner with friends, laughed at everything, but it was the moments when I was alone that were the hardest. And the few times when I was talking about it with (my amazing and supportive) friends that I would break.
Once you move on from something, it’s not always the moments that bring you back that are the most upsetting. It’s realizing you’re upset over something/someone who you know, deep down, that you’re wasting your time thinking about it. That’s the frustrating part. Second guessing yourself. Realizing you’re falling backwards.
A year ago I would have let the comment get to me so much that I would have fallen back into the dark hole that I had been in for so long, but something stopped me. I can’t pinpoint exactly what it was , there was nothing significant that happened during the week, and no one said anything phenomenal to me.
I would like to think it was my cousin, Cameron, looking over me from heaven. If anyone could make you feel great about yourself it was him. He also could care less about what anyone thought of him so I think he was there with me last week and decided that I shouldn’t care either.
As simple as that. I shouldn’t care about one comment or anything else that’s negatively said about me. Why? Because I know who I really am and I surround myself with people who are only going to bring me up and contribute positive things to my life. That’s all that matters.
So here I am now. An open book, a lover of dancing when music is playing, a wine drinker, chocolate eater, sushi expert, a shoulder to lean/cry on, an ear to listen to whatever anyone wants to talk about, a regular crier during movies, a shoe fanatic, an intense deep pillow talker, a wanderer, an adventurer, a believer of happily ever after, Mr. Right, and the fact that everything always happens for a reason.
I am me and I am good enough for me.
So I ask this. What kind of world are we living in that women are for thinking highly upon themselves?
Which leads me to my next point…
We (women) are amazing.
And we should recognize that fact more often.
My close friend Beyoncé once said,
“We’re smart enough to make these millions
Strong enough to bear the children
Then get back to business”
“Who run the world? Girls.”
While I could sit and quote Queen B all day long with her endless empowering lyrics for women I’ll have to save that for another day.
But she’s right. Women run the world. The world would literally not be able to continue without women. We are smart. We are powerful. We are loving. We can do whatever we set our minds to.
There’s one problem that holds us back from succeeding though and that’s ourselves. You are your biggest enemy, especially when you don’t think highly upon yourself. When you’re not confident in the person you are the world is no longer your oyster. You’re constantly concerned about every move you make and what others are thinking of you. You’re not free from that inner demon inside of you that constantly pulls you back from your dreams.
I think that this is especially true for women these days when we live in a culture that judges women for everything and that condones men verbalizing their negative opinions to women. There are so many double standards for women. If a woman talks to a bunch of guys she’s a slut but if a guy is talking to a bunch of girls he’s a bro. What kind of sense does that make?
If a woman says no to a guy she’s a b*tch.
If a woman is confident in herself she’s conceited.
If a woman is in any sort of power role than she slept her way to get there.
These are just a few of the many things that people bring up about women. I say people because it isn’t always men that are saying these things, but women as well.
Since when is it acceptable to constantly tear down a woman for being themselves?
We need to be uplifting women and promoting that confidence is the greatest asset they could ever have. And I think we need to start with ourselves. There is no reason not to be.
It starts with realizing the true beauty that is within you.
It starts with believing you are amazing and realizing your true worth.
It starts with removing any negative thoughts (and people) that are in your life.
It starts by not writing (or agreeing) with a post that talks all about being with a guy just to make yourself feel better.
It starts with being true to yourself.
When you’re true to yourself and know your worth then being confident comes easy.
While I know it’s easier said than done, I think it’s really important that everyone believes in themselves and the amazing person they are. I am a true believer of seeing the good in anyone (and everyone) and my wish for this post would be that everyone who reads it to think about all the things that make them a great person.